


Bullet

by FairyChix26



Series: Tim/Jay fics based on songs [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Feelings, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Jason is trying, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Tim Drake, Tim Drake Has Abandonment Issues, Tim Drake Has Anxiety Disorder, Tim Drake Has Mental Health Issues, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Tim gets therapy, Tim has bpd, Tim has psychosis, no beta we die like jason, tim is not okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 08:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29871969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyChix26/pseuds/FairyChix26
Summary: B would be mad that he was drinking underageDick would be distressed that he was drinking aloneand Jason?Jay would be devastated that he was planning on jumping
Relationships: Tim Drake/Jason Todd
Series: Tim/Jay fics based on songs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2215005
Comments: 7
Kudos: 111





	Bullet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lunatic_Pup](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunatic_Pup/gifts).



> In my defense, the working title for this fic was "Tim dies"

###  My legs are dangling off the edge  
The bottom of the bottle is my only friend

Tim spent a lot of time on high buildings. When he was nine he was running on the rooftops following Bruce and Dick as they flew through the sky. Only a couple of years later he was following Jason. Watching Dick was breathtaking, but Jason enthralled him like no one else ever had. When he died it broke Tim’s heart in more ways than he even realized. Then, before he even had the chance to grieve, he needed to help Batman. Bruce had gotten reckless and ruthless; Tim knew that Batman needed a Robin, and if Dick wouldn’t go back then someone had to step up. 

Then he went to work with the Titans. He made friends, he lost friends. He tried to live up to this legacy that he was just a pretender in; Dick tried to be a better teacher with him, but it was just guilt leading him to try to fix his past with Jason by doing better with Tim; Bruce sent him for training the way he never did for Jason, just another person using Tim to atone for what they felt like they did wrong. Even stepping up and leading the Titans felt like standing in someone else’s shoes. 

When Jason came back and tried to kill him Tim really wasn’t surprised. He was just a shadow standing in his shoes, shadows disappear when the light comes back; Tim’s death would complete Jason’s resurrection. He expected it when Jason came back, so his arrival wasn’t unexpected; the only thing Tim hadn’t known was the when. The why and the how were already known factors. The kissing was an unknown, and nothing got under his skin more than an unknown. How did you let someone have their place back if they wouldn’t let you die?

Now he was sitting on top of Titans’ Tower watching the ocean crash into the rocks and drinking. B would be mad that he was drinking underage, Dick would be distressed that he was drinking alone, and Jason? Jay would be devastated that he was planning on jumping once the bottle was gone. 

He took a breath and stared at the horizon. This was going to be it.  _ If you jump he can live. _

“Tim!” Bart called out as he ran out onto the roof. “Didn’t you have a reminder set? It’s game night! We’re gonna play Mario kart again. Cassie says that she thinks she can beat all of us this time.” He suddenly stopped, standing there looking at Tim, taking in everything. Tim sitting too far off the edge, the empty bottle of something strong, the glassy look in his eyes. “Tim? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” Tim scooted back so he could stand up; not for the first time, he thanked the fact that his parents made him have such a good poker face. “Just had a fight with B and wanted to watch the sunset and think.” 

Bart nodded at him. “Yeah, that makes sense. Well, come get your butt whooped at game night.” 

Tim started following him, letting out a forced laugh, not that anyone would catch that it was forced. “Give it your best shot!”

###  I think I'll slit my wrist again, and I'm gone

If he couldn’t die then he could at least do  _ something _ about all of the nothing inside of him. 

Things got complicated when he had to go to the WE company retreat. The last few years he had stayed in a room by himself, but this year Bruce decided that he should also get to know the employees better, it was what the retreat was for after all. Tim had always been a private boy, so making sure none of his teammates or the bats walked into a room while he was changing was easy, but sharing a room with someone meant sleeping near them. He had a good routine with letting the wounds air out at night before re-covering everything the next day and wearing long-sleeves, but if Bruce was in the room then Tim couldn’t just leave his wounds on display. He would need to make a first-aid kit to go with his toiletries and make sure that Bruce didn’t question why he had it in the same place. His blades were replacement straight blades for his razor. That meant there wouldn’t be any red flags there. 

He could do this.

It had been a rough day, and everything was getting to Tim, so when Bruce started asking him questions about the Titans when they got back to their room he almost broke down then and there. He waited though, he kept the calm facade that his mother had drilled into him. He couldn’t cry in front of Bruce, that would be proving that he was weak; proving that he wasn’t fit to be even Red Robin. 

Tim watched his blood run down his arms with the water. It always made interesting shapes as it pooled against old scars. The blood ran from each slash, letting him control how he released the emotions. Reminding Tim that he  _ was _ actually alive, that he hadn’t died and gone to his own personal hell. 

Tim turned the water off and dried himself with his own towel. If Bruce asked he’d claim that his sensitive skin needed a softer towel than the hotel supplied. He slowly dressed his wounds and then put his long-sleeved shirt on. He was wearing loungewear, comfortable and not suspicious to sleep in. 

He went back into the main room, carrying his toiletries bag with him. Better to just keep it by his things than risk Bruce looking in it. 

Bruce then went in to take his shower. “Tim?” Bruce came walking back out looking at him, “are you hurt?”

“Huh?”

“There’s a bit of blood on the side of the bathtub, are you okay?”

“Oh! Yeah, I’m fine, just had a nosebleed. It’s really dry up here, that’s why I blasted the hot water for so long. Needed some humidity.”

“Oh. Okay then.” He hesitated in the doorway, “I’m glad you’re okay. I think we could get a humidifier if it’s bothering you again though.”

“That’s a good idea B, I’ll let you know if we need to get one.”

###  A stomach full of pills didn't work again

If there was anything that Tim had learned from Janet it was how to suffer through a hangover without anyone knowing about it. 

Tim woke up lying in the middle of his bathroom, there was an empty bottle of pills sitting on the counter, the lid put back on and everything, and a glass of water(?) sitting next to it. He stood up slowly to check it. Yep, this was the prescription he had filed last week. The water was actually water, so that was probably where he went wrong. No time to think about that though because he wasn’t sure what time it was, but it had to be close to having to go somewhere. He only did desperate things when he was under the knife. Metaphorically of course. 

He took a fast shower, counting all the new wounds he had inflicted while out of his mind. Cataloging what he would need to get for his first aid kit to replenish everything. When he was clean he cleaned the bathroom, the smell of bleach from getting his blood out of the grout would be a little overpowering for the next hour or so, so he needed to make sure to let it air out. 

He grabbed the glass and the pill bottle next. Walking to the kitchen he went to wash the glass. He had set the pill bottle on the counter while he thought about how he was  going to get a hold of more until his refill was available. 

Setting the glass on the drying rack he went to his desk and grabbed his phone. Duke would be able to help him get some anxiety meds and wouldn’t ask too many questions. 

He got distracted by the alerts on his phone. Steph had messaged to ask if he could assist her with an arrest last night, then texted back about 20 min later that she had gotten Cass and she hoped he was sleeping and not just hyper-focused on work. Cass had sent a message that was just two question marks. 

He’d have to respond to those soon. It was almost 3 in the afternoon so that meant these had been sent about fifteen hours ago. Steph would be here soon if he didn’t  respond soon enough.

**_Red-Bull-sux:_ ** _ sorry, I was in hyper-focus and then crashed a little after 5ish? this morning. I’m getting my shit together and will be out tonight. Want me to bring you anything? _

_ Nope, just want you to open your damn door  _ **_:royal-pain-in-my-ass-purple_ **

Tim ran a hand through his hair and walked to his front door, Steph was the older sister he never really wanted, and sometimes she had an eerie sixth sense when he was doing something stupid. 

“Hello, idiot of mine!” 

Tim rolled his eyes at her and then smiled. “Ooooh that smells heavenly, did you bring coffee?”

She laughed at him. “Yeah, yeah, I’m the best. Now sit down! I have the craziest story from last night’s patrol!”

Tim set his coffee down, “Give me a second to grab my phone charger and I’ll listen to all of it.”

When he walked back into the kitchen where Stephanie was sitting at the breakfast bar he silently cursed to himself. She was holding the prescription bottle. 

“Tim, is everything alright?” she looked up at him trying to see if he was hiding anything. 

“Of course, why wouldn’t it be?” he played nonchalant better than his mother ever had and Steph seemed okay with his answer. 

“These were filled just a week ago, why is it empty?” She was still studying his every move. 

“They had a bad batch; they didn’t say what it was, but I think there was some Scarecrow toxin in it. I got the email this morning and poured them down the drain. I just  need to call my pharmacist to get it refilled.” He shrugged slightly at her. “I’ll deal with it after you tell me what happened on patrol. Now tell me!” 

###  I'll put a bullet in my head, and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone

Tim spent most of patrol just making sure he stayed away from Cass. She was still visiting so she was a part of the patrol rotation. Tonight it was him, Cass, Jason, and Steph for most of the patrol. Dick and Damian had done a quick sweep just to keep up the appearance that Batman was still around. Bruce had been off-world for a couple of weeks and they always had problems with Joker making a big stink about the rest of the bats if Batman was missing. 

Tim was sticking near where Jason was patrolling. Cass didn’t like to patrol with him because he was still too unpredictable, so it was there that Tim stayed. 

He broke up a few petty robberies, made sure a couple working girls got home safe and handed some cash he had on him to a couple of kids that looked worse off for wear. Jason was right, there was a lot more they could do for the underprivileged of Gotham, and as vigilantes, it was their job to make sure innocent people were able to live. 

_ “Red, can I get you to the docks? An alarm just sounded and you’re closest. Hood, you’re playing back up so head that way too.” _ Oracle’s voice cut through on the coms. 

Tim redirected the R-cycle to get him there. Something small time had to be going on. If it was one of the bigger players there wouldn’t have been an alarm. 

He didn’t expect to be held at gunpoint that night, but was it really all that surprising? He had taken down three of the guys breaking into the warehouse but didn’t see the last one pull a gun until it was against his temple. 

“You’re gonna move real slow like birdy, or Bats will be scraping your brains off the ground.”

Tim just kinda shut down, his body was still responding to the goon ordering him to kneel, but it was like he was floating above his body. Not really there anymore. A stray thought asked if this is what dying felt like. Maybe he should have asked Jason about it. 

Tim came too with Red Hood carrying him. “Red? You with me?” 

He nodded and tried to speak but his body still wasn’t under his control. 

“I turned off my coms, can I turn off yours too?” Tim nodded at that as well. Jason flicked the switch on the com unit in his ear. 

“Baby bird, we need to talk.”

Tim tried to explain that he couldn’t speak but Jason held up a hand, “not right now. Right now I’m taking you to my safe house. You’re gonna rest, and when you can talk again you’re gonna talk.”

Jason pressed the button on Tim’s bike that would make it go back to his apartment, then got them both onto his bike. The drive to his apartment was fast and all too quiet. Jason turned his com back on at some point and told Oracle that they were both safe and to call the cops, but they were calling it a night. Tim couldn’t hear what excuse Jason used for the fact that he wasn’t answering, but it must have satisfied them. 

###  I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it  
'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance

Jason carried Tim into his apartment, not setting him down until the alarm system was reengaged. 

“Go shower. And don’t bother trying to run, the window has bars over it that even you can't saw through faster than I’ll be in there after you trigger the alarm.” 

Tim dumbly nodded and went into the bathroom, sure enough, bars on the windows. He started shaking, he knew what the conversation was going to look like. He had had it with a jumper or two in the past, and that was him talking to someone who he didn’t know. He didn’t know what Jason would pull on him, but it couldn’t be anything good. Tim knew he had a therapist that he was seeing, so it was likely that he would push Tim to do the same. 

Tim started the water as he cataloged what he had on him. He had limited options right now, but he needed to look like he was mostly okay. That meant his arms needed to look as whole as possible. He grabbed a birdarang and made sure he also had makeup to cover up the small cute he didn’t need to make look like the results of a fight. He got into the shower and used the weapon to open up the couple larger wounds on his left arm as well as one on his thigh. After washing off the grime and cleaning the blood the best he could he went about applying makeup to all of the smaller cuts before turning off the water. Jason hadn’t left him any clothes so he was stuck either putting back on the suit or leaving the room with just a towel on. The suit could smudge the makeup since he couldn’t properly set it so towel it was. Once he had cut the areas in his suit to match his ‘combat’ wounds he stashed away the weapon where it came from and turned off the water.

Jason banged sharply on the door twice. “Tim, get out here. There’s a shirt and some boxers for you outside the door. Meet me in the kitchen.”

Once he was pretty sure that Jason had left he opened the door and put on the boxers, he just grabbed the shirt and walked to the kitchen. 

Jason raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t say anything as he drained the water from some pasta. 

“Can you help me dress these?” He showed off his arm where the blood was still seeping from the wound. “They are in an awkward place for me to do the stitches on my  own.” Tim hoped that the sheepish look he gave conveyed to Jason that he was okay. 

“Go sit on the table. Once I finish adding the tomatoes to the sauce I’ll come stitch you up.”

Tim nodded, “is it okay if I get blood on your towel? I have a cut on my thigh too and don’t want to get blood on the table.”

Jason rolled his eyes, “have I ever been someone who minds blood getting on towels? I already have it set up for you, assumed you might need a couple stitches.”

Tim went to get up on the table. He saw that Jason already had the stitch kit out as well as the rest of his full first aid kit. Tim winced a little when he noticed the makeup wipes there. 

“Thought so.” Tim jumped as Jason talked from right behind him. “Sit down baby bird.”

Tim hesitated so Jason turned him around and picked him up to place him on the table. 

“I could have-”

“Run off after telling me that you’re okay?” Jason gave him a look, “you’ve done that before Baby, how did it go?”

Tim winced at that again. Jason was right, but it was a harsh thing to bring up right now. 

###  Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent  
'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is

~A Year Ago~

Tim jumped to the next roof trying to get away from Jason. He had walked in on Tim taking a hit of Ecstasy and saw the coke on the counter. So Tim did the first thing that made sense, put his mask back on and flipped out the window. 

Jason caught him and held him to his chest. “Baby, please, tell me I saw it wrong.”

Tim struggled against the hold but didn’t answer. 

“I’m not gonna let you go, you’re gonna have to hurt me if you want to avoid this conversation that badly.”

“It was nothing, just ignore it. It was a one-time thing.” 

Tim was still struggling, but Jason had turned him around to face him. “Baby, that was way too professional of a setup for it to have been a one-time thing.” Jason pressed Tim’s face into his chest, holding him in a hug with his hand on his head. “Please, just tell me I was wrong. Tell me that you’re not… that you didn’t... ” He tried to find the words. “Tim” he finally rasped out, and Tim could hear his tears in his voice. 

That was too much; Tim’s brain shut down and he went cold. He slammed his heel into Hood’s foot and then slammed his head up to catch his chin.

Then he ran. “Hood I’m fine!”

“The hell you are! Does B know that you’re doing this?”

“B doesn’t know half of what happens under his nose, you should know that Mr. ‘I don’t kill anymore.” That made Jason stop long enough for Tim to get a few blocks away. 

“Baby bird! Get your ass back here!” Jason yelled across the roofs. 

Tim had already shut down though, and nothing would stop him from getting to ‘safe’ as quickly as possible. His brain had decided that his Person was no longer safe and so isolation was the goal. He started running to the only safe house he had that Jay didn’t know about. He disarmed the alarms and then slipped inside the apartment. Setting the alarms back and then bunkered down into the small space he had behind the kitchen and the bedroom. He grabbed the extra laptop he had there and a bottle of Adderall. If he was going to finish the cases he was working on then he needed to stay awake, and hyper-focus had a hard time settling in when his Person was mad at him. 

Three days later Cass found him. He never asked how, but she took him to Jason who had an intervention set up. Cass didn’t find the bottle of Adderall though, so he still had the ability to get things done. He sat there trying not to show the signs of the overdose he was currently experiencing until Jason marched his ass to Leslie and had her test him. The drug rehab program they put him in was no match for him, but they never needed to know that.

###  You don't know what happened to that kid you raised  
What happened to the father who swore he'd stay

After the docks incident, and the following ~~first-aid session~~ fight with Jason, Cass hadn’t let him out of her sight until she had to return to Hong Kong, but when she had to leave two days later she handed the task off to Babs; that made things so, _so_ much easier to get away with. 

“Weekly check-ins.” Babs had him sat down in her apartment, “and you have to stay on coms any time you’re out.”

“As Red Robin or as Tim?” he knew he was being contrary, but she was talking like he was a child, and Tim really hated that. 

“Tim, please. You know that Jason will have my head if you get hurt again.” 

Ah there it was, no one had told her why he was under suicide watch. She thought it was him being strung out with work and not taking care of himself. That made things easier, the fewer people who knew that he was on suicide watch the better. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be good, promise.”

Tim was planning on finally going to his own apartment that night. Jason thought he was staying at the manor, Alfred was off for the night so he didn’t have to worry about him talking to Jason, and Bruce would be answering phones and Jason wouldn’t ask him. 

Bruce just let him go after the post patrol meeting. Tim went upstairs first so that Jason and Babs both got to see that he was headed to bed. 

Dick did follow him up though. 

“Tim, are you okay?”

Tim stood still on the stairs in the main foyer, “why would you ask Dick? Did something happen?”

“I don’t think anything happened, but I heard that there was some concern about you from the others.” Dick came over and laid a hand on his shoulder. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Tim shrugged him off. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” He turned to look at Dick, “more importantly, why do you care now?”

Dick grimaced. “I have always cared about you, Tim. All of you are my siblings, and I care for each of you.”

Tim turned around to keep walking up the stairs, “you sure have a funny way of showing it.”

Dick didn’t try to stop him again.

Bruce heard the confrontation and had dinner delivered to Tim’s apartment. Not that Tim ate any of it. Roy had been able to hook him up with more Adderall and now he was going to work on his schoolwork and the couple cases that he still wanted to finish before he was able to deal with the demons whispering to him. So eight assignments, three online tests, and another eight cases to finish by the end of the week, and it was already Wednesday. 

He popped three of the pills and started in on his work. 

That’s where Bruce found him two days later. After the notice that food had been delivered but not collected for the third time, he was starting to get a little worried.

He walked in and the first thing he noticed was the littered coffee mugs, a good amount of them were still half full with now long cold. At the center of the mess was Tim, he had his laptop balancing on his knee and a notebook open in front of him. He also had a tower of his school books next to him. Bruce knew he was getting his GED, but didn’t realize that he was also working himself to death. Tim was in full hyper-focus mode and hadn’t noticed Bruce walk in, that’s probably the only reason Bruce was able to see him take a pill from a bottle next to him. 

“Tim…” Bruce tried to talk to him slowly and with his body in an unthreatening manner, but Tim still bolted up at his name being said. 

“How did you get in here?”

“I set up your security Tim. I have always been able to get in.” He took a large breath, “Tim, when was the last time you slept?”

And that’s when Tim bolted out of the apartment. He was fast and efficient. Even took his laptop with him.

###  Looked in the mirror and you said goodbye  
Climbed to the roof to see if you could fly

The rules of Suicide Watch are pretty easy:

  1. Don’t let them be alone with enough time to harm themselves
  2. Keep any possible weapons away
  3. Don’t believe them when they say they are okay



The rules of Bat Suicide Watch had extra steps:

  1. Suicidal bats go into the padded room in the cave
  2. Someone is on watch at all times
  3. No weapons near the cells 
  4. The bat in question can only be let free if cleared by 3 other bats 
    1. or Harley when she’s having a good day and can be a psychiatrist 
  5. Once cleared they must make weekly check-ins 
    1. and see Harley for therapy when she’s doing well



Jason had been under Bat Suicide Watch a few times and when he felt like he was handling things he wouldn’t subject Tim to it. 

Tim used this to his advantage. You would think it was easy to keep track of someone, but Tim was  _ very _ good at not being caught. 

He knew that he needed to die for his family to be safe, so the outcome of this night was already decided. 

Tim figured that he really needed a combination of everything to make this work. So first he had to break back into his apartment. He still had a stash of his anxiety meds,  and mixing them with the Adderall should be a good step in the right direction. 

Bruce was still there when he got there. He was on coms though so Tim was able to listen in. Turning on his earpiece he came in in the middle of the conversation. 

_ “B, what the fuck do you mean you  _ lost _ him?” _ Jason was angry. Another reason to not go to his Person. He was mad at him, a mad Jason was an unknown. 

_ “I mean exactly that. He was surrounded by coffee cups, then he took  _ something _. I said his name and he looked like a deer in headlights. When I asked him when the last time he slept was he bolted faster than I could process what was happening in front of me.” _

_ “Why was he in his own apartment in the first place?”  _ Oracle was upset too. Tim knew he messed up, but at least he could still fix this for them. 

_ “Why wouldn’t he be? Baby Bird still lives there, right?”  _ Dick was a voice of reason! Yes, he did live there. It was his home goddammit! 

_ “Because he’s on suicide watch dipshit; he won’t let his guard down around me while he thinks I’m angry with him.”  _

“Because you  _ are _ angry at me. I fucked everything up, and now I have to fix it.”

_ “Tim, no. You need to get help. You’re not fixing anything by doing this.” _

“I’m fixing  _ everything _ . I promise. No more shadow.” 

_ “Baby bird? Tim-ers?” _

_ “He’s blocked our coms Wing, he does that when we’re too much for him to handle.”  _ Oracle had caught on then. 

This gave him less time. 

_ “Oracle, do you have a read on his tracker?” _

_ “Working on it B. It’s just saying that it’s at his apartment. So either he’s under your nose, or he’s pinging it there.”  _ Tim cursed himself, of course, he forgot the tracker. He grabbed his phone and ran his program that would turn off his suit’s tracker  _ and _ make it difficult to turn back on.  _ “Wait, shit, B get out there now. He’s close by. His tracker was just turned off. _

_ “I’ll start the search from here then.”  _ Bruce was looking so Tim was running and hiding in the shadows. Guess he was forgoing the pills. 

_ “I’m on the roads now, if you see him call it in.”  _ No! If Jason caught him then he’d  _ die _ . 

_ “Roger that Hood, I’m taking to the skies now.”  _ Well fine then, if Dick wanted to join in on the attempt to stop him from fixing everything Tim would steal the alcohol from one of his safehouses. 

Getting to Dick’s safehouse while avoiding three bats was somehow easier than he thought it would be. He could still hear them on coms and they were still announcing what areas they were checking. What fools! This is why he needed to be gone. They made mistakes when he was around, if he was gone they would be the team they were supposed to be. 

_ “Wing, get back to your safehouse in the Bowery. Someone just hacked into it way too proficiently to be anyone but Tim.” _

_ “On it, eta 5 min.” _

_ “That’s not gonna be quick enough. How tall is the building?”  _

_ “What!?”  _ The question came from Bruce and Dick at the same time. 

_ “Boy Scout’s clone mentioned that they had seen him sitting at the edge of the tower more than once when he got like this.” _

_ “Jaybird, what does that mean?” _

_ “He told me he was handling it. That the paranoia went away when he was on meds.” _

_ “Not taking them.”  _ Cass was here?

_ “BB, you still in town?”  _ Tim thanked the universe for Bruce asking his question.

_ “I’m patching her through. She said she might be able to help find him.” _

_ “Not might, will. Still on coms.” _

Shit! That was his last hope given away. Dick would be able to find him by sweeping for his tech. He had to get out of here  _ now _ . 

He was so caught up in his thoughts as he raced to get out of the vicinity before Dick and Jason made it there that he missed what was happening on the coms. He needed to get away, Jason would die if Tim didn’t. He  _ knew _ that, why couldn’t anyone else see it? It was just like when they thought Bruce was dead, no one listened to him. No one  _ ever  _ listened to him when it was life or death. Jason couldn’t live if he was always taking care of his own shadow. 

_ “Little brother!” _

Cass was yelling at him? What had he; no he didn’t do anything, she was playing a game. She was trying to trick him. Why wouldn’t she just tell them what was really happening? Cass saw everything, she could see each and every demon following them at every turn, why couldn’t she see that his existence was killing Jason? 

Well, looked like it was plan B, they would be looking for him at the top of Wayne Tower. Jason knew it was far from Dick’s place and it was high enough up that chances of survival were minimal, unless one of them saved him that is. Maybe Cass can make them see reason. He was trying to  _ save _ Jason’s life. But, if they wouldn’t listen, then plan B was the answer. Jason’s safehouses weren’t connected to the bat computer or Babs’ clock tower. 

###  So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow  
Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow

Tim got into Jason’s safehouse, he had about 15 min based on where Jason was right now. He went over to the gun safe and started typing in the code. He knew that Jason had changed it, but he hoped that it was to one of his known codes. 

It was, now there was just one thing left to do. His siblings were still talking in his ear, each of them trying to convince him that he needed to let them catch him. But the voices of the demons had been drowning them out, telling him if he listened to them that they would all die. The only way to save his family was to stop being a burden on them, to stop being a dead man walking and just die so that they didn’t get killed in the crossfire. 

“Please, be quiet now. If you won’t let me stay at least let me say goodbye. I promise I’m going to end this.” 

The shadows around him backed off. 

He could see the one in charge, the one that had been following him since the beginning. Sometimes went away for a long time, but he always came back. 

His mom told him that sometimes imaginary friends could be scary, but he just needed to make friends and he would be nice. 

He was never nice. He always whispered things that he wanted Tim to do, and they were all bad. When Tim refused he punished him. He made Tim hurt himself; made him skip meals, carve up his arms, deny himself sleep. 

On good days the shadow went away, but he would always come back. Especially when Tim was alone. 

Tim made his com live again. “Jay, I need you to do something for me.”

_ “Baby, tell me where you are and I will do anything.” _

“Could you… just… Jay, I need you to live for me okay?” Tim took a deep breath before continuing, “they said that if I do this that I don’t have to hurt you. He told me… he told me that the only way he wouldn’t force me to hurt you was if I hurt myself.” 

_ "Tim, who are you talking about?” _ Jay sounded so sincere like he hadn’t been able to see the man shadowing Tim his whole life. Maybe he hadn’t, light kills shadows; Jason had always been his light, the shadow must have been hiding from him. 

“He’s always there, Cass has to have seen him. He follows me everywhere. The shadow man, he always goes away when you’re around Jay.”

_ “No shadow, Little Brother. Head.” _

“Cass.” He knew he was getting angry, but how could she say he was just in his head? He was as real as the scars on his body. Gritting his teeth he bit out, “Stop. Lying. To. Me.” 

_ “Baby, tell me where you are. I can protect you from him.” _

Tim let out a laugh that was mostly a sob, “don’t you get it? If I don’t do this he’ll make me hurt you. I  _ can’t _ hurt you, Jay.”

_ “Tim, let us help you.” _

“The way you helped me when you fired me?” Tim lashed out at Dick. “You took away the ONE thing that I had left! And then you wouldn’t even believe me when I told you Bruce was alive! He tried to make me kill you, did you know that? Told me I shouldn’t care since you clearly didn’t.”

_ “Tim-” _

“No! You don’t get to talk anymore! I’m saying goodbye, you don’t get to make me mad at you!”

_ “Robin! Stand Down.”  _ oh and wasn’t that just the icing on the cake, Bruce finally acknowledging that he was the only Robin who fought to be Robin. 

“I don’t think I will tonight Bats, I have too many things to say and Jason is too close already.” 

_ “Love,  _ please,  _ you know that this will kill me.” _

“You have to promise to live for me! You have to…” Tim was losing, he knew it, the shadow knew it, he was losing. “You have to, because you love me, and I love you. If you don’t live for me then our love would have been worth nothing.” 

_ “Tim, please.” _

“I love you, Jay. Thank you for not leaving me.”

###  I wish that I could fly way up in the sky  
Like a bird so high, oh, I might just try

He turned his com off, and then he climbed to the top of the apartment building.

Standing on the edge of the roof Tim thought about all the times he spent on top of roofs. 

Running across them as a child, following his first idol, and then his first crush. 

Training to run across them while learning that everyone saw you as just the shadow to Jason Todd.

Sitting on top of Titans Tower talking with Kon, Bart, and Cassie. Planning their futures, bitching about parents who didn’t understand, and just being there for each other. 

Kissing Jason in the dark. Getting caught by Dick and not being able to hide it anymore. 

It was dark out, Tim looked down at Gotham, taking in the neon and the smog that always hung around Gotham. 

You can’t see the ground when you’re this high up, the chemicals in the air are just too dense. But he didn’t need to see it if he was dying anyway.

He stood up, holding the gun in his hand, he took two steps towards the edge, now, teetering on the ledge, he was ready. If the bullet didn’t kill him the fall would. 

###  Oh, I might just die

He heard Jason’s voice calling his name and pulled the trigger. 

Something must have gone wrong though. Because he wasn’t dying. The gun had been turned from his head at the last moment before he shot, that was okay though. Because he  _ was _ falling. 

“Clone, I swear to god!” That was Jason’s voice again. Why was he calling him a clone? Why was he angry?

“I got him!” Kon?

Then Tim felt the pressure of being caught mid-air. “No!” He screamed and thrashed trying to get out of the hold. 

“Tim, Tim please. Don’t make me drop you.” 

“Get him up here and I’ll hold him!” 

* * *

Tim was still struggling as he was placed into Jason’s arms.  _ “please” _ He whimpered out. Tim had never looked so small in his arms.

“I’ve got you, Baby, I have you now. It’s okay, I have you.” He was trying to bring Tim back to his right mind, but this was more than he could do alone. 

“Please, I don’t want to hurt him. Please.” Tim was pleading with something, his eyes were closed and he was begging.

“Tim, I have you, no one is gonna hurt me, I’m safe with you.”

Super clone came over to him, talking quietly he gave Jason the information he needed. “Steph is almost here. Bart let them know what happened and that we have a hold of him.”

“Timbo, did you hear that? Steph got Harley, she’s gonna help you. We’re gonna get inside now though okay?”

“They want me to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you, Jay.”

“Why would Steph-” 

“Not Steph, he said there is a shadow following him.”

“Do you think?”

“I think Baby Bird suffers from psychosis and none of us noticed until it was almost too late.”

“Heya, Hood, I was told you have my patient.”

Harley had made her way onto the roof. Looking at the now sobbing, Tim in his arms she gave a sad smile. “Ya’ know, he used to come see me. Would even let me prescribe for him, not that anyone but Leslie will fill the prescriptions.”

Jason looked at her in confusion. “You said used to?”

She nodded back, “yeah, he said that he didn’t need me no more. Said he had his light back and it would keep the shadows at bay. I told him mental health doesn’t work that way, but you know Timbers, stubborn to the grave.”

Jason nodded and looked back at Tim who was slowly starting to become aware of where he was. He placed a kiss on Tim’s temple. Jason whispered in Tim’s ear, “Baby, I’m gonna help you, but you have to let me. Your friends all showed up so fast. Steph made the phone call and superboy and impulse were here before she could hardly finish her sentence. We are all behind you Tim, you just gotta let us help you.”

Tim shook his head no, clutching to Jason’s shirt, his fingernails digging into his flesh reminding Jason that he wasn’t suited up either.

“He really should be inpatient,” Harley whispered, talking to Bruce who must have gotten there while Jason was focusing on Tim.

“We are  _ not _ putting him in Arkham,” he growled out and then regretted it when Tim whimpered against his chest, “no baby, I’m not mad at you. Just protecting you every way I can.” 

“We’re sending him to a hospital in Metropolis.”

Jason looked at Bruce, “when did you set that up?” 

“While Stephanie was getting Harley and you were getting Kon and Bart here to save Tim.”

“When is he going?” 

“Dick is packing him a bag right now. Clark is on his way to take the both of you to my apartment in Metropolis and then you will still have about 5 minutes before an ambulance will be there to get him.”

Jason nodded along; that was the best plan to help him, and Bruce had even made sure that Jason would be close by so he could visit Tim in the hospital. 

They waited for Clark together. “I’m sorry.”

Jason kept looking at Tim’s, now sleeping, face. “For what?”

“That I didn’t do anything sooner. I should have.”

“You didn’t know. Hell, I didn’t know it was this extensive.”

Harley walked over, her hair was windswept from Bart running her across the city and back. “Here you go.” She handed him a closed envelope. “It’s sealed, and if you open it then I’ll find out. It’s his full chart, I’ll need it back if he wants to come back to see me, but the hospital is going to need these notes to help him. They include his diagnoses and the medication I was prescribing, as well as when they were last actually filled.” She reached down and brushed Tim’s hair out of his face. “Just, bring him around even if he doesn’t want to see me anymore okay?”

Jason smiled at her, “I will Dr, Quinzel.” 

She laughed. “It’s just Harley to you silly, we’re practically family.”

Clark was standing nearby, “Okay, we need to go now.”

Jason handed Tim over to Kon and went to stand by Clark. He waved to Harley. “See ya, Harley.” 

“Tell him we’re all rootin’ for him.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Pup for indulging me in my terrible ideas


End file.
